Archive for May, 2010
The hummingbird garden – I remember when Kevin announced it one day. I am going to plant a HUMMINGBIRD GARDEN! He was so excited about it. It came out of the blue; it came out of a surge of hope because we’d started our new business and he was hopeful about things changing, money was coming in, we were going to have more freedom to do the things we wanted – like planting hummingbird gardens! He moved back the fence and chipped back the flagstones, making a nice little narrow planting area where there was none before – something from nothing, did research on the Internet about the kind of plants hummingbirds preferred, which would do best in the sun exposure there, or lack of it. I remember the whole process and how I just saw him so excited about it, reading his hummingbird book and looking at different plants. I’d never seen him so excited over something that he just dreamed up – something creative and new and something that he could spend time on and not have to go off to work for someone else. My heart was full of joy thinking how our lives were going to change, had already started to change, due to the new hope that had come to us. Hope that had been waning since the economy had shifted and we’d both been affected. This was all his.
Everyone said it was dead, that I should just discard it, buy another. Winter had reached its chilly fingers down into my fern garden and zapped one of my of my special, more delicate, varieties. Brown and crusty fronds hung over the edge of its clay pot, crispy and lifeless. I looked closely for signs of life. None were visible. It’s dead, they all said. I just couldn’t.
I live on the ocean in a two-story home. That is the first affirmation I read each morning and night, along with others. It is in my stack of blue (index) cards. Years ago, when I was working with one of the best and most influential mentors of my life, I went through a course called “Blueprinting Your Life.” There are many courses and seminars that focus on goal setting, but this was the first I’d ever experienced. Not only did we talk about goals, we talked about writing our life plan – starting twenty years in the future. Where did I want to be in 20 years? 10 years? 5 years? 1 year? And so on. It was easy for me to say because I’d always known where I wanted to be when I was older – on the ocean in a two story home. Writing my books. Getting there is the hard part for most – and it’s not because we don’t have what it takes to do it, but we lack that mental fortitude it takes to keep believing against all odds. It takes constant work to get our minds to believe it, to get that subconscious programmed. It takes a lot of work and most aren’t willing to go through it.
The morning drill was the always the same. My father would come to my room and as he whipped back the covers with a flourish he would say in a much too loud voice for a sleeping child, Rise & Shine! I hated it. I was sleepy and warm and I didn’t want to get out of bed. Why? What awaited me? School. Riding a big yellow bus where I usually stood, holding onto a stack of books (no backpacks in those days) fearful of sitting next to one of the popular kids who didn’t like me, going to sit in a classroom with a bunch of other kids, struggling over numbers and formulas on a blackboard, feeling inferior to my classmates. I wanted to stay under the covers and not have to deal with it. It was easier.